Friday, October 15, 2010

Excerpt From "Empty Thoughts": Part 1

I promise I won't promote the eBook version of Shaneanigans, available in the iBookstore and on, again. My last two entries were dedicated to Shaneanigans. It's time to move on.

It's time to move on to my equally hilarious second book, Shane Presents Shane's Empty Thoughts: Based On The Empty Thoughts Of Shane. The cover of the book is pictured to your right -- the smiley face with the empty thought bubble.

I've referenced the book a few times in the past, but I didn't want to share details until I completed work on it. Empty Thoughts contains more of the entertaining musings you've come to read and love on this blog and in Shaneanigans, which is now available in the iBookstore and on (I promise, no more Shaneanigans plugs,

I'll let you know how you can purchase Empty Thoughts in the near future. In the meantime, I will post excerpts from the book in the coming days. Here's the first excerpt. Enjoy.

I’m very passionate about the television shows I watch, and I want others to love them as much as I do. Having said that, I do not enjoy watching TV with others. TV has a tendency to bring out some of the more annoying qualities in a person. For example, have you ever watched a game show with a friend who feels the need to play along with the contestants? It’s kind of amusing at first, but it really wears thin after four or five questions. It gets to the point where I just sit there and wonder, Does this idiot realize he’s not actually winning money by rapidly shouting the answers before the contestants do? The contestants actually have to buzz in, you know.

Inevitably, the friend will answer a string of questions correctly and declare, "I should try out for this show. I’d make a lot of money." No, no you wouldn’t. I don’t have any proof that you wouldn’t, but I’m pretty sure of it nonetheless.

I’ve never told anyone this before, but I have this secret fantasy in which one of my friends is on the hot seat on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," and he uses his Phone-A-Friend lifeline to call me. After he reads me the question, I pretend to think over the choices until five seconds remain, at which point I say, "What’s the matter? You were so good at this game when we were watching it on TV. Not as easy as it looks, is it? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Then I’d hang up. So yeah, you wouldn’t want me either as a lifeline or as a friend.