Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Laying Down Some Rules For My Mouseguests

Welcome back, my little mouse friends! It's been far too long since you've visited my home. I was worried about you. I was afraid that you were roaming the streets with nowhere to go.

Did you have any problems finding the apartment? This building's pipe system can be very confusing, but since this isn't your first time here, I should know better than to doubt your climbing skills and your sense of direction, shouldn't I? But for the record, you do realize this building has an elevator, right?

Anyway, I want you to have a pleasant stay at my home. If there's anything you need, anything at all, please don't hesitate to squeak. As Speedy Gonzales would say, "Mi casa es su casa." 

Having said that, I do want to lay down some ground rules, if that's alright with you:

1. Please notify me in advance when you will be in the kitchen area, so I can stay out of your way. I really would like to stay out of your way. I'll be honest: I'm intimidated by you, even though I'm approximately five feet and six inches taller than you. I'm so scared of mice that I secretly wish that I could find a female exterminator to fall in love with so she can protect me from creatures like you for the rest of my life.

2. No running in the house. I know you like to run, but that's not allowed here. Mostly because I'm really scared of you, and it sends shivers down my spine when I see you dart from one corner to the next.

3. In fact, pick a corner and try to stay there as often as possible. Because...well, you know why by now.

4. You may help yourself to the food in my cabinets. However, if there's an open box of cereal, eat only from that box. Please do not tear open the other five boxes of cereal. They all contain Cheerios, I promise you. And I already removed the prizes.

5. I actually left some peanut butter for you to eat later. You'll find it on those rectangular wooden plates spread out near the walls. It's chunky, your favorite!

6. If you have to go to the bathroom, go back in the hole from where you came and take care of your business in there. Don't leave droppings all over my floor. I'd expect that kind of behavior from a dog, not from you.

I think that's it. I have to head out for a while. I trust that you will be OK on your own. Have fun! I'll make sure to leave the lights off for you.