The Last Time I Watched "Not Without My Daughter"

Here's a sentence you may not have read yet this week: I'm in the mood to watch "Not Without My Daughter."

For those of you who may not remember the film, which was based on a true story, it starred Sally Field as an American woman who, with her young daughter, is held captive by her Persian husband in Iran after they travel there to visit his family.

I didn't see "Not Without My Daughter" when it opened in theaters in early 1991, but I watched it several times on VHS later that year. I was 10 years old at the time. As best as I can remember, the movie had not been marketed to preteens.

But I watched it because I was Persian, and I was desperate for any kind of Persian representation in pop culture. And also because when I rented a VHS tape from Blockbuster, I had it for three days, and it was very important to me that I get my money's worth out of it, even if the story was a bit of a downer.

Before "Not Without My Daughter," I knew of only one Persian character either on TV or in the movies: the Iron Sheik. This was well after he had peaked as WWE champion, and well before he had become the most profane Twitter user ever. He was a villain — though, as you can see below, a villain who inspires.

BE YOURSELF YOU JABRONI

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) August 10, 2018

And then came the husband in "Not Without My Daughter" (portrayed by Alfred Molina, who, it should be noted, does not have an Iranian background). He was a villain, too; he was hot-tempered and abusive. It was not a positive depiction of Iranians at all. He certainly didn't remind me of any Persians I knew.

But in a strange way I was still interested in the character because he sort of/kind of looked like me, we both spoke the same language, and we both had a nice mustache. It's true: I had a mustache years before any other student in my school had one. There are pictures.

Me at the age of 10.       

Somehow, "Not Without My Daughter" came up in a recent conversation I had, and it occurred to me that I haven't watched it since I was in school. My seventh-grade social studies teacher decided to show it to the class, but only after he pulled me aside and asked for my permission. It was the first and only time a teacher asked for my approval for anything. It felt good to wield that kind of power.

"Would it be OK with you if we show this movie in class?" he asked.

"HECK YEAH IT WOULD! It would save me the trouble of renting it from Blockbuster again!" I responded. That's a slight exaggeration. I did assure him I was fine with it. At 116 minutes, it would take three classes to watch the whole thing. Sure I was fine with it.

As an aside, I expect that this same conversation is being repeated in schools today between social studies teachers and their Persian students: "Hey, you wouldn't mind if I show 'Argo' to the class, would you? It won the Oscar for best picture, you know."

I'm not sure if many of my classmates had seen "Not Without My Daughter" before my teacher screened it. I'm positive that my crush at the time, who sat two rows away from me, hadn't. There was a disturbed look on her face. She may have let out an "ugh" at one point.

I never asked her out. Of course I never asked her out. You don't ask out a girl after she reacts to a film that depicts your culture with an "ugh." It's Dating 101.

With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I'd spoken up after we watched the movie. I wish I'd taken the time to explain to my classmates that while the film was based on a true story, it shouldn't inform their perception of Iranians as a whole. "Persians are actually kind and decent people, and you know what? I'm Persian and I'm proud to be one." I wish I had said that.

I also wish I hadn't said yes when my social studies teacher asked if he could show "Not Without My Daughter." I wish I'd suggested that he show something more benign. An Iron Sheik match, maybe?