Tiny Bits of Nonsense: April 2014

Here is the April 2014 edition of "Tiny Bits of Nonsense," featuring 10 of my tweets from the past 30 days:

I've renewed my Match subscription so many times that I can no longer afford to take any of the girls on there on a date.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 11, 2014

Whenever I see a bearded man wearing a baby sling, I automatically assume he'll be as funny as Seth Rogen or Zach Galifianakis.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 29, 2014

You never hear much about Missus Softee's occupation.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 6, 2014

I gave my kitchen a rating of 2 stars on Yelp to dissuade people from inviting themselves over to my house for dinner.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 13, 2014

I've shared more dances in the past five years with my Wii remote than with women.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 19, 2014

Pac-Man is in pretty good shape for someone whose job is to eat pellets nonstop.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 28, 2014

"Mad Men" returns this weekend. I'm catching up on the show by binge-smoking through all of the old episodes.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 9, 2014

"Thanks for all of the Earth Day wishes! I'm so blessed to have all of you in my life!" -- Earth's latest Facebook status
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 23, 2014

If GNC ever needs a "before" picture for their in-store posters, I'm their man.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 13, 2014

If I were to release a comedy album, I'd call it, "Jokes That Are Too Long For Twitter."
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 8, 2014

 
In case you missed it, the first edition of "Tiny Bits of Nonsense" was published in March 2014.