Monday, December 6, 2010

An Outbreak of Acne...Commercials

There's a terrible epidemic sweeping the country. You may have heard about it on TV. Though it can threaten anyone at any time, it is young, attractive female celebrities who are most at risk. The epidemic: acne.

I can't recall another time when so many of our most beautiful stars have come down with such a severe case of zit attacks. Hayden Panettiere, Julianne Hough, Katy Perry, Avril Lavigne, Mandy Moore, Justin Bieber...they all endorse acne treatment products. Wait a second...what's Justin Bieber doing on that list?

I see commercials for Proactiv or Neutrogena's skiniD at least five times per day. I'm embarrassed to admit that I know Hayden Panettiere's skiniD by heart. (Her skiniD is 12, 32, 53...what's yours?) A skiniD, I presume, tells the customer which Neutrogena solutions are most useful to him or her. I envision a future when we'll all need to have a skiniD and carry it with us at all times. "Pull over sir, I'm going to need to see your license, registration and skiniD." Or, "You don't look 21. If you want to buy that beer, you're going to need to show me some form of ID.'re a 10, 33, 56. Alright, you check out, have a good day."

Forget for a moment that all of these celebrities are at least a 9 on the universal 1-10 scale used by superficial men to rate the opposite sex, even when they have a pimple. I don't understand why they were all taking pictures of themselves when they had an outbreak of acne. And it's not just a standard photo of their face...they zoomed in their camera all the way, so we can get a real close look at their disgusting pimples. I do give them credit for having the foresight to hold on to these pictures, because they came in handy once they landed an endorsement deal with Proactiv or Neutrogena.

I feel the same about the bald people in commercials for hair growth treatment. The major difference is, these people aren't even famous. They're just taking pictures of their bald spot just for the heck of it. I don't know who they are. I don't even know their baldiD.

In my day, we mainly used Oxy pads. Zit cleansing hadn't yet become a science, with skiniDs and micro-crystal medicines. Women like Hayden Panettiere, they just don't know how spoiled they are by today's skin cleansing products.

But if 12, 32, and 53 helps Hayden become a 10 on TV, then I suppose there's no harm in it.