Friday, April 8, 2011

A Letter From The Animals Of The World To Hollywood

To all Hollywood studios:

It has come to our attention that some of you have been using our likenesses in movies without permission. According to our research, images of cats, dogs, birds, bees, geese, fish, donkeys, owls, chimps, chipmunks, wolves, foxes, frogs, turtles, tigers, lions, zebras, bears, lemurs, giraffes, lizards, penguins, rats, ants, dragons and countless other animals have been prominently featured in films over the last two decades.

We are deeply concerned over what we feel are inaccurate portrayals of the animal kingdom. Despite popular human belief, there is no such thing as a kung fu panda or a ninja turtle. Our stance on this issue cannot be more clear: We have not, nor ever will, engage in martial arts.

Quite frankly, we're astonished by your lack of knowledge regarding species other than your own. Do you not read the information plaques at the zoo?

We also believe that the poor critical response to some of these films will cause irreparable damage to our reputations. Had the wolf community known about Alpha and Omega prior to its release, it would have made every effort to protest the project. At the least, it would not have signed off on the tagline "A Pawsome 3D Adventure."

On behalf of all animals past and present (including the dinosaurs, mammoths and other creatures no longer with us), we demand that you cease and desist all further use of our likenesses until we reach a resolution. If you brazenly continue to disregard our rights, we will have no choice but to pursue legal action and unleash a rainstorm of bird droppings onto your cars.

The Animal Kingdom