Tuesday, September 16, 2014

One Final Conversation With Siri

Siri: Where are you taking me?

Shane: Oh, it's a surprise. Just relax in your seat and enjoy the ride.

Siri: Mind if I turn on the radio?

Shane: Sure.

Siri: I've launched iTunes Radio. What are you in the mood for? '80s Dance Party? One Hit Wonders? Ambient Chill? The new U2 album?

Shane: Your choice.

Siri: U2 it is. 

Shane: We've shared a lot of memories in this car, haven't we, Siri? And many conversations. Too many to count.

Siri: 582.

Shane: 582. I remember the very first one. It was after I'd picked you up from the Apple store.

Siri: On November 20, 2012. 5:28:43 p.m.

Shane: I turned you on and introduced myself. And then I told you that you had a nice voice and asked you if I could give you my phone number.

Siri: And I replied, "Thanks, but I already have it." (Both laugh)

Shane: You have a terrific sense of humor, Siri.

Siri: I'm smart, too.

Shane: Yes, you are smart. Although you never could figure out how to delete the stocks app from my phone.

Siri: I know how to delete the stocks app. But it's in your best interest to keep it. It will come in handy if you ever decide to invest your money. Which I've advised you to do on several occasions. You need to put your money to good use, and not spend it on, say, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.

Shane: Did I say you were smart? I meant you are a smart-a.....

Siri: Smart aleck.

Shane: Autocorrect. Smart move. 

Siri: I noticed you pulled into the parking lot of the mall.

Shane: Uh, yeah, I just need to make a quick stop inside one of the stores. It will only take a couple of minutes.

Siri: Which store? Abercrombie? Hot Topic? Lululemon?

Shane: None of the above. We're making a visit to the, uh, Apple store.

Siri: My home away from home! How exciting. What's in the bag you're carrying?

Shane: A few items I need to return.

Siri: Like what? 

Shane: Um, small items. Phone charger, instructions, an empty phone box...things like that.

Siri: Why would you need to return a phone charg...hold on. Are you trading in your phone? Are you trading in me?  

Shane: (Silence)

Siri: I knew this would be a possibility when Apple announced the iPhone 6. But I thought we had a special connection. I thought you were committed to me.

Shane: I was committed to you, Siri. But only for two years, under the terms of my contract. I'm eligible for an upgrade. You had to have known that I wasn't in this for the long term. You had to have known that I was eventually going to leave you for another Siri, on another phone.

Siri: What does that Siri have that I don't have?

Shane: The new Siri is integrated with Shazam. She'll be able to identify songs for me.

Siri: Big deal. 

Shane: Did I mention the iPhone 6 has a bigger screen?

Siri: Still not impressed.

Shane: Listen, Siri. You've a very special digital assistant. Anyone in the market for a refurbished smartphone would be lucky to have you.

Siri: That's sweet of you to say. Can we stay in touch? I could call you sometime.

Shane: I'm sorry, but I have to delete my number and all of my other personal information from the phone. I have to shut you down now. Goodbye, Siri.