Monday, November 23, 2015

All I Want Is A Treat

I strolled through a farmers' market in my neighborhood this morning. I'm a strong believer in supporting my local farmers. I don't purchase any of their vegetables, mind you. As I've established on here more than once, I do not cook for myself. I visit the market strictly to provide moral support.

To be fair, there was one stand that sparked my interest. It offered treats -- what I believed to be rectangular cookies. Several of them were labeled "peanut butter and bacon." I love peanut butter. I love bacon. I'm not sure I've ever eaten the two of them together, though. I was intrigued.

And then I was disappointed. I continued to read the label and realized that it was a treat for dogs. That seemed unfair to me. Why should dogs -- and only dogs -- be allowed to eat such a delicious-sounding biscuit? How many of them even remember to bring money with them to the farmers' market?

I had brought money to spend at the market, and I would have gladly spent it on a peanut butter and bacon treat. If only it were available for humans.

After I returned home, I conducted an Amazon search of dog treats. I was truly stunned by the variety of flavors. "Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jelly." "Pumpkin and Banana." "Wild Salmon." "Filet Mignon."

Filet. Mignon. Do you have any idea how rare an occasion it is for me to eat filet mignon? I enjoy filet mignon, at most, once a year, at a fancy restaurant, right before my date tells me we should see other people.

And yet a dog can devour a bucket of filet mignon treats, at half the price. Where's the justice in this world?

Dogs are offered way too many food choices. I've expressed this opinion once before, in my first book, Shaneanigans. I'm quite proud of the title of that book. I'm not quite as proud of its sales totals.

In any event, I wrote in Shaneanigans:

I don’t believe dogs are that picky about what they eat...After a long day of licking themselves, are they really in a position to reject what’s in their dish? Anything must taste good at that point. 

All these years later, I'm still waiting for an explanation.

A dog is an animal with simple tastes. So am I. But I don't lick myself, I assure you. So where's my peanut butter and bacon treat, farmers? I've supported your market. I've been a good boy. I want a snack!