George Clooney is a married man. Guess that means I just moved up one spot on the "most eligible bachelor" list, ladies.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 28, 2014
I once used an iPad while lying on my back, so I understand how Michelangelo felt when he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 3, 2014
If the second "Back to the Future" movie is accurate, the iPhone won't even exist a year from now.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 13, 2014
I've still never seen the "Friends" episode that explained why all of the friends were dancing in a water fountain.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 22, 2014
Charlie Brown is a bit of a loser, but he's parlayed that into several TV specials, so I don't feel too badly for him.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 28, 2014
Spending the day collecting pennies in parking lots. You can never have too many for the trick-or-treaters on Halloween.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 29, 2014
This store won't let me return a Kit Kit bar I bought even though it's defective. It doesn't play the Kit Kat theme when I snap it.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 12, 2014
The sun smiles an awful lot for an object that emits harmful UV rays.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 13, 2014
The parent-teacher conference went well until I admitted I wasn't a parent. I was just hoping a teacher could tell me I'm making progress.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 13, 2014
Education is a real issue in the U.S. For example, did you know that 99% of all space camp graduates end up not traveling to space?
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 23, 2014
Other bits of nonsense:August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
