When I say "It's very nice to meet you," what I'm really thinking is, "I wasn't paying attention when you said your name, please repeat it."
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 20, 2015
Can anyone recommend an app that matches singles with bags of chips that are right for them?
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 4, 2015
I respect Brookstone's strategy of targeting customers who struggle to walk a lap around the mall without sitting on a recliner for a while.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 14, 2015
"Speak softly and carry a big selfie stick." -- Teddy Roosevelt's advice to anyone who goes on a safari
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 8, 2015
"Toad? Where we're going we don't need...Toad." -- Doc Mario
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 13, 2015
I've been posting old pictures of myself at the prom and pretending they were taken at an #Oscars after-party.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 23, 2015
Spoiler alert: "Birdman" ends with Marvel acquiring the rights to Birdman, forcing Michael Keaton's character to reprise the role.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 11, 2015
What I'll miss most about "Parks and Recreation" is people telling me I need to start watching "Parks and Recreation."
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 24, 2015
If your name is Saul, you can't expect me to go more than 10 seconds during our conversation without making a "Better Call Saul" reference.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 17, 2015
"Could an 'Odd Couple' remake BE any more pointless?" -- Chandler
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 19, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
