Valentine's Day is around the corner, and love is in the air around me. Unfortunately, it's an air of desperation.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 5, 2014
Valentine's Day isn't such a special holiday. It's not like I can't get rejected any other time of the year.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 3, 2014
Buying discounted Valentine's Day candy and eating it all the same day is my Halloween.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 14, 2017
I just mailed out a Valentine's Day card. It's early, I know, but I wanted to make sure I receive it on time.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) January 20, 2014
Show that special someone you love them with "unknown brand" roses. pic.twitter.com/VprIsNi2yO— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 13, 2017
I've been struck by Cupid's arrow! No wait, that was just my neighbor's kids role-playing "Hunger Games" again.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 13, 2015
I gave a valentine to the one woman in my life, and her heart melted. So did the rest of her. You know how snow-women can be.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 15, 2014
My most romantic gesture on Valentine's Day is swiping right on every Tinder profile all day.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 13, 2015
What am I doing for Valentine's Day? Oh, just unsubscribing from every email newsletter that suggests "Valentine's Day Gift Ideas."
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 4, 2014
I'm carrying a stack of empty red envelopes with me today. If anyone asks, they have cards from all 25 of my valentines inside of them.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 14, 2014
Is it normal for a pharmacy to ask to check your Facebook relationship status before selling you Valentine's Day chocolates?
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 13, 2014
I bought a box of Sweethearts candies, and they were all split in half. So that's how my Valentine's Day is looking right now.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 10, 2014
I just made a reservation for one on Seamless for Valentine's Day.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 4, 2015
What I like most about being single on Valentine's Day is that I have no shortage of jokes about being single on Valentine's Day.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 8, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
