For the 17th year in a row, all of the kids I know are refusing to sign my yearbook.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 27, 2015
Whenever I'm late in responding to an email, I explain to the person that I got caught in Internet traffic.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 13, 2015
The goldfish on my screensaver have lasted eight years and counting. Much longer than anyone expected.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 12, 2015
I'm never more proud of myself than when I "like" a Facebook post right before the person decides to remove it.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 21, 2015
Probably the biggest fear a sportscaster has is losing his keys to the game.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 4, 2015
When I meet a younger girl I'm interested in, I tell her, "I may be 34, but I'm an immature 34."
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 8, 2015
There aren't enough womanizing advertising executives on TV anymore.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 18, 2015
I hope that in "Fuller House" the Tanner kids finally come to terms with the fact that Uncle Joey isn't really their uncle.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 29, 2015
I just saved 15% on my free time by switching off Geico commercials.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 19, 2015
In all likelihood I will not remember Fall Out Boy for centuries.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 19, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
