I'm not sure what disappoints me more: not receiving Facebook friend requests, or receiving Facebook friend requests.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 14, 2015
I'll wish a Facebook friend a happy birthday, but in return I expect them to change their privacy settings so their age is made public.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 6, 2015
I operate my life in the same way WiFi operates when it's connected at only 2/3rds strength: I work, but I stall frequently.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 11, 2015
This is truly the golden age of movie actors playing comic book characters I haven't cared about since I was 12.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 5, 2015
In the next "Captain America" movie the Avengers fight one another. But they end up staying together for the sake of their kids.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 16, 2015
What about a gritty TV drama about a maid called "Better Call Lysol"? No? Don't worry, I have other ideas for shows centered around Lysol.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 13, 2015
I'm worried that my children will grow up in a world where we've run out of old TV shows to reboot.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 27, 2015
SPF 30 is a good description for sunscreen but would make an even better name for a boy band.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 24, 2015
Talking into the microphone on my earphones is the closest I'll ever come to becoming a secret agent.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 12, 2015
"This is a new song." -- Local band that doesn't realize I've never heard of them and that all of their songs are new to me
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 8, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
