It's the start of the NFL season! Only five months until I'm not invited to a Super Bowl party.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 13, 2015
I listen to "Fight Song" when I feel like I can't eat another row of Oreos. It motivates me to keep going!
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 18, 2015
Thanks, Starburst, but there's no need to wrap each individual piece inside the package. I'll be eating all of them at once.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 28, 2015
When I was a kid it was my dream to sell my own razors. But then I found out Gillette's products are the best a man can get, and I gave up.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 22, 2015
I'm going to watch the new season of "Empire" so I can find out if I'm guest starring in it.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 23, 2015
I hear the #Emmys will salute the end of "Mad Men" by having celebrities smoke and cheat on their spouses throughout the night.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 18, 2015
After all these years I'm still rewinding and rewatching "The Neverending Story" again and again. What an effective title.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 24, 2015
Now that the "Happy Birthday" copyright was invalidated, nothing can stop me from singing it loudly along with strangers at restaurants.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 24, 2015
"How about spikes that pop up from underneath the ground and are nearly impossible to avoid?" -- Every video game designer in the early '90s
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 11, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
