To me, Halloween is an annual celebration of how I'm too lazy to answer the door when someone rings the doorbell.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 27, 2015
I will spend most of my Halloween trying to figure out how many bite-size Snickers equals 1 full Snickers, and then eating about 50 of them.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 17, 2013
I've been playing a lot of Jenga lately, but with Kit-Kat bars. So, kids, if I don't have candy for you this #Halloween, that's why.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 23, 2013
Candy wrappers take it easy on the day after Halloween by just lying around the house.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) November 2, 2015
I've stocked up on rocks for Halloween, just in case Charlie Brown comes to my house for trick-or-treating.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 22, 2014
"Blah!" -- A vampire after eating candy corn on Halloween
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 31, 2014
I did the Monster Mash, too, but I choose not to write a song about it.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 31, 2014
Asked the cashier at the Halloween store whether it carries a "disinterested Halloween store employee" costume. Ended up buying his clothes.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 25, 2013
Who do you think will be president in 2020? I like to be ahead of the curve when it comes to Halloween masks.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 30, 2016
This is the worst time of year to be a pumpkin.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) October 3, 2014
Other bits of nonsense:September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
