Tonight's not the opening of a new "Spaceballs" movie? So I dressed up as Rick Moranis for nothing?
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 18, 2015
Google Maps doesn't recognize "Fury Road." SOMEONE didn't like the last "Mad Max" movie.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 2, 2015
We haven't had another ALF land here in 30 years. Feels like a step back for his kind.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 2, 2015
"SNL" is just a stepping stone for comedians who really just want to star in an Old Navy commercial.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 29, 2015
Now that I'm older, wiser and more experienced, I think I'm finally ready to run for president of my fifth-grade class.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 4, 2015
I was so awful playing sports in gym class that I would've trended locally on social media every week if social media existed.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 4, 2015
You set up an account with a website and give it your number, and then you wait by the phone for days and it never calls....
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 21, 2015
"We could write our initials on paper, but we'd rather write our initials on the thing that paper comes from." -- Teen couples
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 28, 2015
I just ran into a chicken who was released by his owner. He was non-chicken-tendered.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) December 4, 2015
Other bits of nonsense:New Year's Edition
November 2015
October 2015
Halloween Edition
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
