In the new Jason Bourne movie he remembers he wasn't in the last movie.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 26, 2016
I have such poor luck with women that the female "Ghostbusters" rejected ME.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 10, 2016
"Kardashians v Taylor: Dawn of Justice" would make for a much better film than "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice."— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 18, 2016
Nirvana music is playing at this Walgreens, so come on over if you need a prescription filled and you're wearing a flannel shirt.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 27, 2016
I had to give up my dream of becoming a street fighter when I broke both hands and feet during training to smash a car in 30 seconds.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 10, 2016
If I were a presidential nominee I'd drop bubble wrap instead of balloons at the end of the convention and everyone would stomp for hours.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 22, 2016
The first step in using a Fitbit is admitting you have a problem counting steps.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) June 10, 2016
I read CAPTCHA words at a third-grade level.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) June 8, 2016
I tried to put my phone in airplane mode, but the phone texted me hours later and informed me the flight was cancelled.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) June 17, 2016
Other bits of nonsense:I went on the best safari. The animals were so friendly. A giraffe even carried all of our cameras around its neck.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) July 3, 2016
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