The closest I ever came to becoming an Olympic athlete is when I went on the Michael Phelps diet in 2008 and ate 12,000 calories a day.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 7, 2016
Michael Phelps is 31 and has 23 gold medals. I'm 35 and I still use a ladder to enter a pool. #Olympics
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 14, 2016
Michael Phelps has captured 23 gold medals. Now he's headed to a Pokémon gym to battle other medals.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 14, 2016
It's a bit silly that the U.S. never sends Air Bud to the Olympics when he's clearly one of the country's best athletes.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 17, 2014
If I were a volleyball player, I'd be the one who jumps up in the air and fake spikes the ball. I'm skilled enough to handle that. #Olympics— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 3, 2016
What a shame that fall and spring athletes will never have their own #Olympics to compete in.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 6, 2016
I'm rooting hard for any athlete representing Epyx in these #Olympics #SummerGames. #Commodore64Reference— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 6, 2016
I didn't qualify to watch the #Olympics this year. The training starts now for 2018. #OpeningCeremony— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 6, 2016
I can't take seriously the Olympics as a competition because there is no "tell all" or reunion specials.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 12, 2016
The #Olympics will have its grand opening today. To celebrate, officials will hand out free samples of gold medals.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 5, 2016
The #Olympics will close this weekend. All medals are now 30% off.
— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 18, 2016
Whenever I see a bronze statue in public, I get a little sad that it came in third place to two other statues. #Olympics— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 10, 2016
I jumped over a six-foot-wide snow puddle today, so I'm not really sure how I didn't qualify for the Winter Olympics in Sochi.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) February 6, 2014
Other bits of nonsense:The #Olympics should skip the national anthems at the dressage medal ceremony and instead play the "Mr. Ed" theme.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 9, 2012
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