Tiny Bits of Nonsense: March 2016

Here is the March 2016 edition of "Tiny Bits of Nonsense," featuring 10 of my tweets for the month:

To this day, every time I hear a door slam shut I experience terrible flashbacks of friends signing off on me on AOL Instant Messenger.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 3, 2016

I knew I shouldn't have scheduled my Daylight Saving Time party for 2am.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 14, 2016

I organized a birthday bash for my friend at the local Home Depot. It was a supplies party.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 23, 2016

If you have a deep voice and put your mind to it, there's no reason why you can't become the next Batman.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 19, 2016

Did you hear Pac-Man is running for office? His supporters have created a super Pac to raise pellets.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 8, 2016

I created a new candy: M&M&M. It's basically two pieces of M&M candy held together with chewed gum.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 10, 2016

I bet Ross and Rachel raised their kid to have only five other friends. #Friends

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 29, 2016

I heard a remix of Adele's "Hello" at the deli. It was the first time I'd cried and danced to a song while ordering a chicken parm hero.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 7, 2016

I'm still rooting for Jay Z to reconcile with his hyphen.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 10, 2016

It's a shame that the greatest day that Billy Corgan has ever known was more than two decades ago.

— Shane (@myemptythoughts) March 8, 2016

Other bits of nonsense:
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
New Year's Edition
November 2015
October 2015
Halloween Edition
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
"Back to the Future" Edition
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
Valentine's Day Edition
January 2015
December 2014
Holiday Season Edition
November 2014
Thanksgiving Edition
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014

An Argument For The Pasta Sandwich (Really)

Whenever I explain to friends that I don't know how to cook, I'm typically met with the following response: "Really? Not even pasta? Pasta is so easy to make."

That may be true, but I've discovered it's easier to buy pasta. Not fresh pasta, but frozen pasta, from the supermarket.

I really like Trader Joe's linguine, for a few reasons. Firstly, it comes with pesto and tomatoes. The tomatoes partially satisfy my daily recommended serving of fruit. And I can smother my bread in the pesto. I love saucy bread. The soggier the bread, the more delicious it becomes. I wish Trader Joe's sold soggy loaves of bread.

Secondly, the linguine contains less sodium that some of the other frozen pastas that Trader Joe's offers. I'm very cognizant of sodium count when I purchase frozen foods. I strive to be as healthy as I can be while maintaining an unhealthy diet.

Thirdly, and most importantly, the linguine is convenient. It takes very little effort to open the bag, pour an icy clump or two of linguine onto a plate, thaw it out in the microwave for three minutes, and eat it. It's reasonably delicious, and isn't that what we want from our meals? For them to be reasonably delicious?

I was eating linguine with two slices of (non-soggy) bread the other night when I had a flash of genius. I enjoy eating the linguine. I enjoy eating the bread with the linguine. Why not combine the two? So I brilliantly placed a clump in between the slices of bread, dipped the pasta sandwich in the pesto sauce, and indulged myself. It was sooooo good.

As it happens, I was chatting with friends the next day when they asked me what I'd had for dinner the night before. I told them about the pasta sandwich. They were not impressed.

"That's weird," they said.

"How is it weird?"

"Pasta is not meant to be eaten as a sandwich."

"Says who?"

"It's not normal. It's carb overload."

"You eat bread with pasta, don't you?"

"Yes."

"So what difference does it make if you eat the bread and the pasta at the same time?"

"That's just gross."

"You would never eat a pasta sandwich?"

"No."

To that, my response will always be: Really? Not even a linguine sandwich with pesto and tomatoes? A linguine sandwich is so easy to make.