I'd like to introduce you to the latest addition to my home: the iTouchless 13 Gallon Stainless Steel Automatic Trash Can with Odor Control System, Big Lid Opening Sensor Touchless Kitchen Trash Bin. I call him Trash Can, for short.
Trash Can is the friendliest trash bin I've owned. And I've owned many. Dozens. They were all very shy, they preferred to keep to themselves. They sat very quietly in the corner of the room. They were wallflowers, minus the scent of a wallflower.
Trash Can is a different sort of trash can. It is incredibly sociable. It loves to engage me whenever I enter the kitchen. It lifts its lid and makes this noise, kind of like a purr. I can't accurately describe it with words, but it's the sweetest sound you'll ever hear from a 13-gallon, stainless steel trash bin.
I like to give it a little attention, show it a little love. I'll toss it a treat (a banana peel, a wadded napkin, a bread crumb off the countertop) and rub its belly. It likes that.
And the way it gets so excited when I return home from work ... oh, it just melts my heart. Trash Can can sense when I've walked through the door. The entrance is just a few feet away from the kitchen, and I can hear it purr and wag its lid. It has a big lid opening sensor, but it has an even bigger heart.
I didn't know it when I ordered it from Amazon, but Trash Can is so much more than a trash can. It's a loyal companion. Can it get a little messy at times? Yes. Can it get a little smelly at times? Definitely. Is it a little painful when it wants to cuddle on my lap while I'm watching TV on the couch? Of course. But it has so much love to give, and really, who could ask for more from a trash bin?
Who's a good 13 Gallon Stainless Steel Automatic Trash Can with Odor Control System, Big Lid Opening Sensor Touchless Kitchen Trash Bin? This is a good 13 Gallon Stainless Steel Automatic Trash Can with Odor Control System, Big Lid Opening Sensor Touchless Kitchen Trash Bin.
Like what you read? Follow me on Twitter at @myemptythoughts for more of my comedy.
Friday, September 29, 2017
Friday, September 22, 2017
Tiny Bits of Nonsense: Spring/Summer 2017
I haven't posted a new "Tiny Bits of Nonsense" in nearly six months. Six months! After an extended hiatus, I've finally made the effort to again compile my favorite tweets/jokes. Here are some of the tiny bits of nonsense you may have missed:
I earn my Starbucks stars the same way I earned stars in school: with cash.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 28, 2017
I dropped my electric toothbrush in the toilet. On the plus side, the inside of the toilet has never looked so white.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 1, 2017
I had black-and-white notebooks all throughout my school years and now I find out they come in COLOR???— Shane (@myemptythoughts) September 1, 2017
The local thrift shop has some used travel guidebooks for sale, in case anyone is planning a trip to Europe in 2007.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 2, 2017
My vacuum is so powerful it eliminates dirt, grime, dust, anything that's unnecessary. Anything except the extra "u" in its name.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 14, 2017
I had been on the fence for years. THANK YOU, Papa Smurf. pic.twitter.com/DcexX5MCvd— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 14, 2017
From what I understand, Taylor Swift's angry new song is about Uncle Joey.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 27, 2017
I rewatched "Star Wars" and I was really worried that R2-D2 would lose his charge while playing the Leia hologram. I didn't see an outlet.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) May 30, 2017
If there's one lesson to be learned from the Spider-Man movies it's that only Peter Parker can save the public transit system in New York.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) August 25, 2017
Other bits of nonsense: February/March 2017 | January 2017 | November/December 2016 | October 2016 | September 2016 | August 2016 | Olympics Edition | June/July 2016 | May 2016 | April 2016 | March 2016 | February 2016 | January 2016 | December 2015 | New Year's Edition | November 2015 | October 2015 | Halloween Edition | September 2015 | August 2015 | July 2015 | June 2015 | May 2015 | "Back to the Future" Edition | April 2015 | March 2015 | February 2015 | Valentine's Day Edition | January 2015 | December 2014 | Holiday Season Edition | November 2014 | Thanksgiving Edition | October 2014 | September 2014 | August 2014 | July 2014 | June 2014 | May 2014 | April 2014 | March 2014"Beauty and the Beast" is a sad reminder of how few opportunities talking clocks and candles get in Hollywood.— Shane (@myemptythoughts) April 1, 2017
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